ps i love you

Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance standing in the background and everybody's saying, he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream.

- I can't promise you forever, I can't promise you tomorrow. I can't promise you anything. I can tell you I love you. I thought that this was all just a dream. That tomorrow I would wake up and it would all be gone. Now, I look at the possibilities and realize, for you, it can't be easy. You say you love me... I know you do. But can you really be a friend? We were meant to be lovers, weren't we? I can't change the past, but I can change the small future I do have. I know my chance is gone.... probably for good. But I keep praying that somehow, someway, you'll find a way back to me someday.

Somewhere along the way,
I hope you’ll find me someday.
I’ve been lost and looking forever,
I guess it’s just the price I pay.

- i guess when i figure things out... it's just too late....

Boy it's been all this time, and I still can't get you off my mind, and nobody knows it but me. I stare at your picture, still sleep in the shirt you left, and nobody knows it but me. Everyday I wipe my tears away, so many nights I've prayed for you to say, "I should've been chasing you, I should've been trying to prove, that you were all that mattered to me. I should've said all the things that i kept inside of me and maybe, I could have made you believe, that what we had was all we'd ever need." My friends thing I'm moving on, but the truth is I'm not that strong. And nobody knows it but me. I've kept all the letters you sent... In a box underneath my bed, and nobody knows it but me. But if you're happy, I'll get through this somehow. But the truth is.... I should've been chasing you, I should've been trying to prove that you were all that mattered to me. I should have said all the things that I kept inside of me and maybe, I could have made you believe that what we had was all we'd ever need.

- I wish I would have said the things I needed to say. I wish I wasn't so good at hiding the truth, because maybe you'd know how much you mean to me.

It's not easy saying this to you. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but boy before you go, I want you to know. I wish you strength when times are hard. I wish with all my heart you find what you're looking for. I wish you joy, I wish you peace, and every star you see is within your reach, and I wish you still loved me. I wish that things were different you know that, but I'm still happy for the time we had. You mean the world to me, baby please believe. Losing you is tearing me apart, but a part of me with be with you no matter where you are. I wish you strength, when times are hard. I wish with all my heart you find just what you're looking for. I wish you joy, I wish you peace. But most of all I wish you still loved me.

- I want you to know that no matter what happens to me, no matter where I go... I want you above anything to be happy. I love you, very very much. There are days that are hard, and I think I'm not going to make it through. In the past all it took was a smile from you. Now when it's hard to breathe, I know you're not necessarily going to be there for me. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Sit here and watch you go... I wish things were different.

You can let go. It's ok. How can I help you to tell me goodbye when the day comes?

One more thing.... just one.... Hopefully you can understand what this means...

Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you

- ps i will always love you. i know i don't have much time....

I can't help but feel you're done... you're gone, that you're moving on. Just so you know, I love you. Always have, always will. I wish I could have said all the things I couldn't say before. I was stupid, and stubborn.

Winner at a losing game

Baby, look here at me, have you ever seen me this way? I’ve been fumbling for words through the tears and the hurt and the pain. I’m gonna lay it all out on the line tonight and I think that it’s time to tell this uphill fight goodbye. Have you ever had to love someone that just don’t feel the same? Tryin’ to make somebody care for you the way I do is like tryin’ to catch the rain. And if love is really forever I’m a winner at a losin’ game. I know that baby, you tried to find me somewhere inside of you but you know you can’t lie, you can’t hide the truth. Sometimes two hearts just can’t dance to the same beat so I’ll pack up my things and I’ll take what remains of me. I know that I’ll never be the one that you need or love. Baby, it’s killin’ me to stand here and see I’m not what you’ve been dreamin’ of. If love is really forever, I’m a winner at a losin’ game.

~ Am I really? Or is there still a chance...

I still miss you...

I've talked to friends, I've talked to myself, I've talked to God, I prayed liked hell but I still miss you. I tried sober I tried drinking. I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you. I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to. I'd give anything for one more minute with you. I still miss you baby.

~ I don't know how I'm going to do this. But I can't hurt you anymore.

A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love, and leaves before she is left. - Marylin Monroe

Goodbye...

i never meant to hurt you. i don't know how this got so painful. it's ok to let go. sometimes the rest of your life starts with goodbye.... if you have to.... it's ok... you can let go

I can't live a lie...

Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you and maybe turning my back would be that much easier. Because hurtful words are all that we exchange but I can't watch you walk away. Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you? And all about the good times that we've been through? Could I wake up without you every day? Would I let you walk away? No, I can't learn to live without and I can't give up on us now. Oh, I know I could say we're through and tell myself I'm over you. But even if I made a vow, a promise not to miss you, and try to hide the truth inside, I'd fail because I, I just can't live a lie. Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me? And all the reasons that make loving you so easy? The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe, the way you know just what I mean? No, I can't learn to live without. Don't you give up on us now…I know I could say we're through and tell myself I'm over you. But even if I made a vow, a promise not to miss you, and try to hide the truth inside; I’d fail because I, I just can’t live a lie.

~ I know I can’t live and truly live if I’m living a lie. I don’t want to give up on us. I can’t learn to live without you. I could tell myself I’m over you but no matter what promise I made I’d still miss you. I just can’t live a lie. I can’t let you walk away, I can’t forget the way you look at me when you want me, and loving you has always been so easy. I can’t give up on us now. No matter how hard it gets… I can’t let go. I’d rather fight with you than be with anyone else… I guess what I'm saying is let me let go. Let me follow my heart, no matter what the consequences are. I love you. Don't make me live a lie. You know I love you. Forever and for always. .

Me

I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. I was born to be stubborn, to be a little bit bitchy, and to push myself. I was taught to never take life for granted, to live a little, to love with everything I had, and to never give up, but most of all fight for myself. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Maybe we are so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it.

~ Take me as I am and appreciate me as I am.