how

i need my best friend, i'm hurting, but how do i talk to you when you're the one that broke my heart?

i wanna tell you how i feel... i wish i could turn back the events of yesterday. i know this has been building... i know i've made mistakes.... haven't we all... damn... what i would give to crawl in your arms... the lyrics of so many songs are swirling in my head... you're the only answer i've found... i've tried to be perfect that doesn't work... i'm still me... the girl you fell in love with... i know i can't make it right... i know that nothing i say will change your mind... i wish i understood you... i wish you understood me... this is all one big misunderstanding... i can't take this time apart... i've hit the bottom... i wish this was all a dream but it's real. i really screwed this up... i was too much... and i lost it... i feel all these things... i cry... i laugh... i curse... i remember the amazing times we had... i read the letters you wrote... i keep trying to figure out why i let it get to this... i'm sorry... just words i know... my heart is in your hands...

If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all? We’ll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with. I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand. If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life? I don’t know why you’re so far away but I know that this much is true. We’ll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with, and I wish that you could be the one I die with, and I pray you’re the one I build my home with. I hope I love you all my life. ‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away, and I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right, and though I can’t be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side.

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain and it's 2am and I'm cursing your name. You're so in love that you act insane and that's the way I love you. Breakin' down and coming undone. It's a roller coaster kinda rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I love you.

I think it was me, it must of been me, I guess I did something wrong. I tried too hard, wanted too much, I guess that's why he's gone. I lost my pride, I fought and cried. I felt like a little kid. What's wrong with me? I still can't believe, I did the things I did.

just some of what went through my head.... i needed to get it out... that's what this blog was for... for me... my emotions... i'm not ashamed of how i feel... i'm hurt... i want nothing more than for you to look at me with those beautiful eyes and tell me you love me and we'll make it through... i can't lose faith... i can't stop trying... i can't give up... i love you forever and a day... i know you'll read this... i don't know what you'll think or even if you'll say anything... i'm not okay right now... and i won't be for awhile... but just so you know i want you back for the right reasons... because my heart is yours has been for a long time... i'm ready when you are i can do without the time apart... i just needed to get this out... it's a mess of feelings... know i love you and i'm very sorry... i'm trying