ps i love you

Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance standing in the background and everybody's saying, he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream.

- I can't promise you forever, I can't promise you tomorrow. I can't promise you anything. I can tell you I love you. I thought that this was all just a dream. That tomorrow I would wake up and it would all be gone. Now, I look at the possibilities and realize, for you, it can't be easy. You say you love me... I know you do. But can you really be a friend? We were meant to be lovers, weren't we? I can't change the past, but I can change the small future I do have. I know my chance is gone.... probably for good. But I keep praying that somehow, someway, you'll find a way back to me someday.

Somewhere along the way,
I hope you’ll find me someday.
I’ve been lost and looking forever,
I guess it’s just the price I pay.

- i guess when i figure things out... it's just too late....

Boy it's been all this time, and I still can't get you off my mind, and nobody knows it but me. I stare at your picture, still sleep in the shirt you left, and nobody knows it but me. Everyday I wipe my tears away, so many nights I've prayed for you to say, "I should've been chasing you, I should've been trying to prove, that you were all that mattered to me. I should've said all the things that i kept inside of me and maybe, I could have made you believe, that what we had was all we'd ever need." My friends thing I'm moving on, but the truth is I'm not that strong. And nobody knows it but me. I've kept all the letters you sent... In a box underneath my bed, and nobody knows it but me. But if you're happy, I'll get through this somehow. But the truth is.... I should've been chasing you, I should've been trying to prove that you were all that mattered to me. I should have said all the things that I kept inside of me and maybe, I could have made you believe that what we had was all we'd ever need.

- I wish I would have said the things I needed to say. I wish I wasn't so good at hiding the truth, because maybe you'd know how much you mean to me.

It's not easy saying this to you. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but boy before you go, I want you to know. I wish you strength when times are hard. I wish with all my heart you find what you're looking for. I wish you joy, I wish you peace, and every star you see is within your reach, and I wish you still loved me. I wish that things were different you know that, but I'm still happy for the time we had. You mean the world to me, baby please believe. Losing you is tearing me apart, but a part of me with be with you no matter where you are. I wish you strength, when times are hard. I wish with all my heart you find just what you're looking for. I wish you joy, I wish you peace. But most of all I wish you still loved me.

- I want you to know that no matter what happens to me, no matter where I go... I want you above anything to be happy. I love you, very very much. There are days that are hard, and I think I'm not going to make it through. In the past all it took was a smile from you. Now when it's hard to breathe, I know you're not necessarily going to be there for me. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Sit here and watch you go... I wish things were different.

You can let go. It's ok. How can I help you to tell me goodbye when the day comes?

One more thing.... just one.... Hopefully you can understand what this means...

Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you

- ps i will always love you. i know i don't have much time....